Its been a while, I penned down. Not sure, if I had no content or was unwilling to write actually. From the day 1 of Covid Lockdown, I have been thinking of writing and reading, but ended up doing neither.
All these days of covid went productive until last few days, which Fcuked my mind badly and was going through a lot in a relationship which kept bugging me and was following me 24 X 7. Hold it on there..
" Self control is the difference between the Need and Want"
This sounds like a casual statement but which made me think a lot of times. I have such similar moments in life very often in me. For instance, "Objects in the mirror or closer than they appear", is a simple statement and the intend of this was entirely different. I kept confusing this message with my relationships for almost years together. I got so associated with the message for such a long time and almost 9 years for no reason, I kept clinging on to this quote.
So Yeah, "Self control is the difference between the Need and Want" is a dialogue from this season 2 series of "Four More Shots Please". I was watching it yesterday night and from then the small scribbler in me woke up.
Today, it was a pretty well planned Lazy Sunday and I have decided to cook Jamun's for Navil. After finishing the entire season, I went to shit. Here, "May be the guys" would agree with me, that most of the decision is made there, at that moment. Is it because that your shit gets out of your body and you could think clear or its the urge that u feel while shitting? doesn't matter now.
Got refreshed quickly and got into preparing Jamun. I never had the content in mind at all to write about something. Btw it is a new recipe, Jamun made from Sujee. I started rolling the dough with so much of thoughts running over mind. Kept rolling.. rolling... yes, both the dough and my thoughts came to a perfect shape. I would want to discuss about Love. All time favourite subject isn't it? No it is not! It doesn't exist the way it sounds.
It is a smooth, soft and a more loved word in the world. Anyone would use it anywhere on anything. "I fcuking love it", "I love fcuking it" however u want and to anyone u want. I would call him a Masochist. Yes, Love is a masochist. There is always pain behind the pleasure in Love. And the pleasure is not that being loved, it is actually the Pain and Suffering in love that causes the pleasure.
In all my experiences [I dont wanna call it relationship], all I remember is the pain of being ignored, the pain of longing for someone, the pain of getting their messages, the pain of seeking their attention, the pain of care, the pain of needing em, cuddling em, hugging em and crying along. My mobile would have wished many times, that it wanted to be my partner next time as he got witnessed me through out the journey.
Now that, I am in my mid 30's does this masochist word still exist? Yes, but this time, neither the pain is pleasure nor the pleasure is pleasure. But the pleasure is a pain. It comes with so much strings attached and hence expectations kept growing. The expectations of one [Pleasure] is the disappointment of the other [Pain].
"Well, then how does this whole thing around Love work?". You, are shooting this question to a wrong person! A person who miserably failed in Teenage Love, 20s and 30s Love.
What does he have to expect in his 40's, 50's and so on.
Doesn't his son's affection satisfies him? Doesn't the love by his friends comfort him? Doesn't the family's care soothe him?
What is that one looks for in Love? Is it the Feeling? Is it the Desire or is it the Temptation?
to be cntd.....
